Practical Guidance for Low-Income or Self-Representing Parents

Concerned about fraudulent Child Benefit claims? Practical advice for UK parents. 

If you are a parent in the UK and suspect that fraudulent Child Benefit claims may be unfairly extending your child maintenance obligations, there are several proactive steps you can take. This guide outlines practical and legally appropriate measures—especially relevant for those who may not have access to legal representation.

1. Understand when child maintenance obligations end

In the UK, child maintenance payments generally cease when the child turns 16. However, they may continue until the age of 20 if the child remains in approved full-time education or training—such as A-levels, T-levels, or BTECs. University courses do not qualify.

Knowing this is crucial in assessing whether continued payments are justified.

2. Request evidence of continued education

If you have doubts regarding your child’s ongoing education, you have the right to seek clarification. You may:

Request confirmation of the child’s enrolment in an approved non-university course.

Ask for specific details: the name of the institution, course start date, and anticipated duration.

Make requests via the other parent or through a solicitor, if applicable.

Keep a written record of all communication, requests, and responses.

Key times to be vigilant:

When your child turns 16

At the start of a new academic year (e.g., each September)

After GCSEs or A-levels are completed

If your child mentions university plans

Important:

 Some sources suggest checking social media or digital correspondence for clues about university enrolment. Do this only if the information is willingly shared with you by your child directly.

 Do not attempt to gather information via fake accounts or third parties—such actions may constitute stalking or harassment and could result in legal consequences.

If your child is over 16 and you have a good relationship with them, it is entirely appropriate to ask them directly about their studies and institution.

3. Notify the Child Maintenance Service (CMS)

If your child maintenance payments are managed via the CMS, and you suspect that your child is no longer in approved education, you are entitled to:

Submit a "Change of Circumstances" request.

Provide any evidence or grounds for concern.

Ask CMS to carry out checks with the receiving parent or the relevant institution.

Always ensure your contact details are current and notify the CMS promptly—delays can lead to overpayments which may not be recoverable.

4. Report suspected benefit fraud to HMRC

If you believe the receiving parent is fraudulently claiming Child Benefit, you can report this anonymously to HMRC:

Online: https://www.gov.uk/report-benefit-fraud

Phone: 0800 854 440

Post: National Benefit Fraud Hotline, Wolverhampton, WV98 2BP

HMRC has the authority to:

Suspend ongoing payments

Reclaim backdated overpayments

Penalise or prosecute those found to be acting fraudulently

5. Seek legal advice—or know your alternatives

A solicitor with expertise in family law can assist with:

Challenging unfair maintenance obligations. 

Drafting formal letters to the other parent or institutions. 

Presenting evidence to CMS or in court proceedings. 

However, legal support can be costly. Many parents handle these matters independently or with free legal support. Here's how:

1. Use free legal advice services. 

Several UK-based organisations offer free legal support:

Citizens Advice

Website: citizensadvice.org.uk

Phone: 0800 144 8848

Advocate (Bar Pro Bono Unit)

Website: weareadvocate.org.uk

LawWorks

Website: lawworks.org.uk

Support Through Court

Website: supportthroughcourt.org

2. Contact the CMS yourself.  You do not need a solicitor to:

Report a change of circumstances. 

Ask for a reassessment of maintenance payments. 

Submit evidence regarding educational status:

Website: gov.uk/child-maintenance

Phone: 0800 171 2345 (Monday to Friday)

3. Report benefit fraud yourself (Anonymously)

If you suspect fraudulent claims for Child Benefit, you can report them directly without legal assistance (see Step 4 above).

4. Gather your own evidence

You can build a clear and credible case by:

Keeping all messages and emails from the other parent. 

Speaking directly with your child, where appropriate and safe. 

Saving any official school or college correspondence. 

Keeping a written timeline or diary of key events. 

Avoid collecting screenshots or information from private sources (such as social media accounts not intended for you). This may be seen as intrusive and could undermine your position.

5. Draft your own letters

You can write formal letters to:

CMS

HMRC

Educational institutions (where appropriate)

If you need help, you can ask ChatGPT to assist in drafting a suitable UK-format letter for your situation.

6. Join UK-based support communities

There are Facebook groups, forums, and online communities where parents in similar situations share experiences and advice. However, always:

Confirm that the group is UK-based (laws differ between countries, and even between England and Scotland).

Fact-check any legal claims using official sources or services such as Citizens Advice.

You can also use ChatGPT to verify facts—just be sure to specify that your situation is under UK family law.

By staying informed and proactive, you can better protect yourself from unfair financial obligations and ensure that your child maintenance responsibilities reflect the actual circumstances.

Exploring the deeper feelings behind wanting to be called "Mum"

 

Exploring the deeper feelings behind wanting to be called "Mum"
(CBT-informed reflection)

In blended families, it’s not uncommon for some women to want their partner’s children to call them “mum,” “stepmum,” or “bonus mum.” On the surface, this might seem like a natural desire to feel included. But  it can be helpful to gently explore what’s happening beneath the surface—especially when this desire becomes emotionally charged or persistent.

One common driver behind this longing is unacknowledged jealousy or comparison. These feelings don’t make someone a bad person—they’re simply human. But if left unexamined, they can shape thoughts and behaviours in unhelpful ways.

1. Core belief: “I’m not enough unless I’m equal or better.”

Many women in blended families carry a hidden belief that unless they’re seen as just as important as the children’s biological mother—or even more so—they’re not fully valued in the family. This belief can lead to automatic thoughts like:

• “If I were truly accepted, they’d call me mum.”
  

• “She gets the recognition just because she was there first.”
  

• “I do just as much—I should be seen the same way.”
  

These thoughts often stir up comparison, and underneath that comparison is often a need for validation.

2. Cognitive distortion: “If I don’t have the title, I’m being rejected.”

When someone places emotional weight on being called “mum,” it can sometimes signal black-and-white thinking—believing that without the title, they’re being excluded, disrespected, or not acknowledged. This kind of thinking can fuel anxiety, frustration, or a sense of injustice.

3. Emotional triggers: jealousy and rivalry

Even in peaceful co-parenting situations, feelings of rivalry may still appear. The biological mother may seem to “own” a space in the family that feels out of reach. The new partner may feel as though she's constantly being measured against that, whether by the kids, the partner, or even herself.

That jealousy might not always be conscious — but it often shows up in behaviours such as:

• Over-involvement (trying too hard to bond with the children)
  

• Needing constant reassurance from the partner
  

• Passive resentment towards the biological mother
  

• A fixation on “winning” small symbolic things — like who makes better cakes, does better hairstyles, or throws better birthday parties.

4. Behavioural loop: chasing a title to ease inner discomfort

The more someone fixates on a title, the more emotionally invested they become in the outcome. This often backfires:

• Children may feel pressured or manipulated
  

• The biological mother may feel disrespected
  

• The stepmum may feel increasingly rejected if the title is not used in everyday communication.
  

This creates a painful feedback loop: the title becomes a proxy for emotional security, but chasing it can deepen the very insecurities it was meant to soothe.

5. Unhelpful assumption: “If I don’t have what she had, I’m less than.”

This assumption often hides behind feelings of competition. It’s a subtle but powerful narrative: that to be worthy, the stepmum must “match or exceed” what the ex-partner had—especially in the eyes of the children or her partner.

But this thinking keeps self-worth tied to comparison, not connection. And true bonds with children aren’t formed through titles—they’re formed through patience, consistency, and respect.

Reframing the Desire

Rather than asking, “Why won’t they call me mum?”, it can be more helpful to ask:

• “What am I hoping that title will give me emotionally?”
  

• “Is there a part of me that feels unseen, and can I express that differently?”
  

• “Am I acting from connection—or competition?”
  

This kind of self-inquiry isn’t about blame—it’s about gently noticing when old patterns or painful beliefs are running the show. With awareness comes choice. You can build a meaningful place in your partner’s family without needing to “win” a title to prove your worth.

You’re already enough. The rest will come with time and trust. Titles are lovely when they come naturally, but they’re not the only way to be important in a child’s life. 💛

Read more here: Too many chefs spoil the broth. What should my partner’s kids call me?

Risk of Fraudulent or Misleading Child Benefit Claims in High-Conflict Co-Parenting Situations

This article is intended to inform and caution parents who may be at risk of continuing child maintenance payments beyond the legally required period due to potentially fraudulent or misleading claims by the receiving parent regarding Child Benefit eligibility.

According to official UK government guidance (GOV.UK – Child Benefit for children aged 16 to 19), Child Benefit payments cease when a child turns 16, unless the child continues in approved education or training. For payments to continue, the receiving parent must notify HMRC of:

The name of the education or training provider

The expected course start date and duration

The type of course (e.g. A-levels, T-levels, BTECs)

Importantly, Child Benefit stops when a child begins university-level education, as this does not qualify as “approved education” under HMRC guidelines.

Risk of Misuse

In high-conflict co-parenting scenarios, the system may be open to misuse, given the following realities:

HMRC relies solely on the receiving parent's declaration to assess eligibility for Child Benefit post-16.

There is no automated, real-time verification of the child’s actual educational status by HMRC.

As a result, a parent could falsely declare that a child is enrolled in a qualifying college course to continue receiving Child Benefit—potentially influencing child maintenance calculations.

Such actions constitute benefit fraud. If discovered, HMRC may reclaim overpayments, issue fines, and potentially prosecute.

Potential Loopholes and Checks

False College Claims: A parent might claim the child is attending an eligible college course while the child is ineligible or attending university. While such claims might pass initial processing, they are not foolproof:

HMRC systems may not flag the discrepancy immediately.

Periodic data checks with UCAS, DfE, or the institution may expose the fraud.

Random or suspicion-based audits can trigger detailed investigations.

Dual Enrolment Claims: While rare, it is technically possible for a student to be enrolled in both a university and a further education college. If only the college enrolment is disclosed, the system might temporarily continue Child Benefit payments. It is possible because universities and colleges report enrolment data to different bodies.

However:  HMRC has the ability to cross-reference enrolment data and flag inconsistencies.

Manual Verification Still Relied Upon:

HMRC does not receive daily attendance data.

Confirmation is often based on parental declarations unless irregularities are flagged.

Why the System Is Vulnerable

Due to:

Fragmented data systems across HMRC, DfE, ESFA, and UCAS

Strict data privacy regulations (e.g. GDPR)

Non-centralised verification methods

…it is possible for fraudulent or misleading claims to go undetected temporarily.

Colleges themselves benefit financially if a student remains enrolled for at least six weeks, after which government funding is secured for the academic year. As such, they may retain students on roll even with minimal attendance during that period.

What You Can Do

If you suspect Child Benefit is being claimed dishonestly or that you are paying child support based on false declarations, you may report this anonymously via:

Online: https://www.gov.uk/report-benefit-fraud

Telephone: 0800 854 440 (Mon–Fri, 8am–6pm)

Post:

National Benefit Fraud Hotline

Mail Handling Site A

Wolverhampton

WV98 2BP

United Kingdom

Many parents dealing with this kind of issue don’t have the resources for lawyers, but still need to protect themselves.

Here’s practical advice specifically for low-income or self-representing parents in the UK (follow this link ) 

Economic abuse and the law: England and Wales

More articles with UK Legal Guidance for High-Conflict Post-Separation Parenting:

Legal rights of non-resident parents regarding access to their child's educational information: what schools are required to provide, and what they are permitted to withhold.

Am I legally obliged to disclose my home address to the other parent?

Can my co-parent legally restrict a stepparent’s involvement in child-related events or access to information?

If a pregnancy occurred without my consent, am I still legally responsible for the child?

If my ex-partner prevents me from seeing the children, am I still required to pay child maintenance?

Is it possible to create a legally binding agreement stating that I am only a sperm donor, and that the mother cannot later seek child maintenance or apply for a child arrangements order through the family court?