Why it is so difficult to be a friend with your co-parent?

 “How to co-parent with someone who seems to be focused only to cause problems?”

This is probably one of the most frequently asked questions. 

Let's make one thing clear: there is no co-parenting without problems. Please remember:  whenever you hear (read) someone saying that they have problem-free co-parenting- THEY ARE LYING.    How do I know? Because any co-parenting is a relationship (situationship) between individuals who don't like each other enough to share a common room and the same household nor become a couple and family together. Yes, it is also the case when mum and dad agree to have a baby without planning a relationship as a couple. The upcoming new age model, the so-called "co-parenting agreement".  They choose a co-parent as a business partner, not someone they are attracted to or fond of. Co-parenting is a situation where two people, who are not overly fond of each other, are forced to interact because at one point they created a child (knowingly or unplanned) and they are sharing the practical side of parenting responsibilities now. It's impossible to have a problem-free relationship with a person who you don't like or/and who doesn't like you, but you are forced to interact (co-work/help out the person you don't like) every moment of the rest of your life.

Whenever you feel like you have a difficult co-parenting situation, there are a couple of questions that everyone has to answer to themselves:

1. What level of problems do you have with your co-parent?

2. Do you have to co-parent? Why not parallel parent instead? 

                            ( Read here: “when you shouldn't try to co-parent” .)

c) Maybe we don't have coparenting problems? Maybe the one parent is using parallel-parenting system and the other one is fixed on coparenting and not able to function independently? Maybe it just clashes between approaches? https://storkdeliveringbabies.blogspot.com/2024/05/why-parallel-parenting.html?m=1

What about those people who claim to be best friends with their co-parent? Those who boast about having a beautiful, problem-free co-parenting relationship? The ones who present themselves as a large, extended family, with all the adults focused on raising the child or children at the centre? How are they managing it?

First: the “fake it until you make it” people. Many choose to put on an act and display it publicly. Their performance, labelled “perfect co-parenting,” involves playing their roles despite their true feelings or thoughts. It’s the world’s oldest “keeping up appearances” show.

Second: the social media people. By presenting themselves as “unique,”

“interesting,” and showcasing that they can do what others cannot, these individuals carve out a platform for making TikTok videos and posting on social media. They recognise that co-operating with their perceived enemy is advantageous, while constant conflict would benefit no one.

Third: “No problems co-parenting” is often a cover-up for abusive co-parenting. Typically, the biological mother, displaying Golden Uterus Syndrome or Sociopathic traits, takes on a superior role in the co-parenting relationship. The father steps back, allowing the mother to make all decisions and control every aspect of his life post-separation, sometimes even extending this control to his family and relatives. If one has an absolutely dominant position in the relationship, it might indeed seem like perfect co-parenting from their perspective.

This theory has been studied by a group of scientists from various universities. They found that individuals who maintain very friendly and close co-parenting relationships often score highly on the psychopath diagnostic scale. In plain English: people who claim to have a problem-free co-parenting relationship may actually have psychopathic traits.

Then explain why you have problems and difficulties when trying to co-parent:

a) you are not a psychopath,

b) you are not a liar,

c) you are not a social media whore,

You are a sound-minded person, who can see and analyse your situation adequately.

ANY relationship has ups and downs. You are facing problems with your loved ones, with your family, with your children, with your best colleagues.  You can understand that dealing with a person who is more or less opposite to that: someone you don't love, don't like don't trust- there is no reason to expect that the relationship should be easy and straightforward sailing.

Isn't it?

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