Legal aspects are very different depending on each country. Nowadays people can access a lot of information using the web and often they will come across information that is all legally correct and accurate but… only for that country or that state this specific web page is created for. It has been the reason for a large number of misunderstandings, fall outs and court applications and lots of heartbreak and feeling of “unfair” treatment.
Legal aspects in UK for a year 2023 The best place to go and make sure you get the basic understanding of current law is: https://www.ngalaw.co.uk/knowledge-centre-repository/
The first and most important information this article wants people to be aware of:
2023 In the UK there is no such thing as co-parenting law for donors. There is no sperm donor protection for private arrangements. For you applies exactly the same Family Law paragraph as you got pregnant from a relationship or a casual hook-up.
In UK you can apply for a Child Arrangement Order (CAO) where it's legally fixed what Cafcass and a specific judge believes is the best option for your child. (not what is “fair” for you as co-parents). There is no one size fits everyone. No blanket law as some US states have.
If someone who is not your lawyer or barrister tells you: “By law you have rights to…because I went to court (a friend of my friend had a court case) and the judge decided that…”
This is not something you can take as an expectation. Remember, each case will be considered and decided as an individual and unique case.
Common misconceptions:
If dad is not on the BC then they do not have to pay maintenance.
Children belong automatically to mum and it's up to mum to decide how much contact she will allow.
There is always one parent who is the resident parent and the other(s) who has the title non-resident parent(s) There can be only one “home" and the other parent's house is the place to visit/spend time with.
Only mum can apply for Child Benefits.
Children will always be registered to mums GP and to the nursery/school that is mum’s home catchment area.
Your legal rights if you are in UK:
If you use donated sperm from a UK licensed clinic, you will be the child’s legal parent and the donor will not:
- be the legal parent of your child
- have any legal obligation or rights to the child
- be named on the birth certificate
- have any rights over how the child will be brought up
- be required to support the child financially.
If you are married or in a civil partnership, your spouse will automatically be the child’s second legal parent, unless they did not consent to treatment.
If you are not married or in a civil partnership, your partner will be the second legal parent if you both sign the consent form from your clinic.
Known donor sperm given directly to you at home (home insemination) won’t have the legal protection that a UK licensed clinic offers and the law on who will be the child’s other parent is less clear. You will always be the child’s mother however, it is always the possibility that the person you think of as the sperm donor will become the legal father of your child.
If the mother is Married or officially in a civil partnership the husband/partner will get the parental responsibility if sperm donor will not apply for paternity test and will not make an application for being named in the birth certificate as the dad. If sperm donor will apply for paternity at any point of that child's lifetime and the legal parents will dispute it, the decision making will happen in family court when a number of other aspects and unique circumstances will be considered. It is likely that even not being part of the child's life priory opening the case, the person whose sperm you have used will get parental rights alongside you and your husband. ((https://www.completefertility.co.uk/blog-resources/blog-news/6-things-you-need-to-know-about-using-donor-sperm )
In the UK, at-home insemination is not illegal, although the HFEA strongly advises against, stressing the implied risks, such as lack of medical screening, or possible legal parenthood issues after the birth of the child.
Yet some women find getting pregnant to be their best option, either because of the high costs or the long delays experienced when trying to get treatment at a licensed clinic or because they want to avoid repeated invasive medical procedures. In this case, the determination of parental rights does not fall under the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act and the sperm donor counts as the father. If he and the mother agree, he may relinquish his rights as a father so that the mother´s partner can adopt the child. Or he may want to remain the legal father and play a significant role in the child´s up-bringing. Issues may arise in cases where the sperm donor and the mother disagree. In this case, the donor is legally considered to be the biological father, and resulting parental responsibility will apply, such as child visitation rights or child financial support duties, among others. (https://www.coparents.co.uk/blog/guides/donor-conception-surrogacy-adoption-and-co-parenting-laws-in-the-uk/)
People who are looking for co-parent or sperm donor via websites
There is one specific group of people who are part of co-parenting sites: voluntary sperm donors. People who are openly declaring that their only reason to join co-parenting sites is to donate or find a donation.
Those people are generally under the impression that you can write up a donation agreement then they are protected the same way as law is treating sperm donors by proxy.
Once again, it can be different across the countries but in the UK, sperm donor law will not apply to any private arrangement.
Still, there are people who read from the internet that if you have a written paperwork, where the sperm donating person agrees not to be part of that child's life then he will never be on the birth certificate, will never have any parental responsibilities. And if mum makes a written promise and written acknowledgement that she agrees that this is sperm donation and mum agrees not to look for the dad, not fail for child maintenance and not to inform anyone who is the dad then she can not go after that man and maintenance will not apply in the future.
They are under the impression that if both will sign it or even better, it will be stamped by a solicitor or lawyers, it will be a legal document that will protect you if one of the parties will change their mind along the line.
Sad part is that even some legal people, some solicitors, are allowing people to sign those agreements and walk out under the impression that they have been protecting themselves for future surprises.
The truth is- In the UK, you can ask any lawyer to write up this type of agreement and you can sign it and it can be stamped by lawyers, but those agreements have no legal value. No jury will entertain this agreement nor will there be reason to avoid maintenance payments, adding father to the birth certificate at any point in the future or being ordered to share parenting time with the other parent. Sperm donation is protected by law only and only if it's done via a specialist clinic. Any private arrangement, however expensive lawyers have been creating that contract , is 100% just a declaration of good will with zero legal bounding. Both parents have all the rights to change their mind. Mum can file child maintenance claims at any point. Dad does not have to be named in BC to be subject to paying maintenance. In the UK, all a woman must do is to fill in an online application and name the person who she believed should pay. She does not have to present any proof.
The person she is pointing to as the person responsible for child maintenance payments can accept the liability and start paying or can dispute the claim. If it's disputed, he must make an application to say - I am not the biological father, nor have we been in a relationship with the woman.
There will be a DNA test and if that man is the father, he must pay for the test and will be obligated to pay child maintenance. If that man turns out not to be the biological father and he hasn't been previously involved with that woman and child as a family unit, the duty to pay for the test will not land on that man.
Dad can also change their mind and apply to court for paternity and to be added to the birth certificate. Mum has no legal option to stop that happening. If a DNA test is showing that this man is a father, he will get right to add his name to the BC and he will gain all the parental responsibilities. For mother and child this means that mum must start discussing and reaching agreements about child related decisions. Dad might not be interested in any parenting time, but he will have a say over child related decisions like education, health care, vaccinations and other medical treatments, religious practices, having a part time job and mum needs dads permission to go abroad for holidays or moving house.
From a co-parenting point of view as those situations are usually rather tragic for all the people involved and extremely rare they will end up making it to co-parenting. As a rule those scenarios will lead to - if lucky - parallel parenting most often to never-ending court battles and contra parenting. Consequently causing severe emotional damages to the child in the middle as well as people around the child in the middle of the fight.
Or you might think you will be Ok living with the knowledge that you have a child somewhere but over the years your heart misses that child more and more and you can not bear not knowing who your child is, how they look like and are they OK and safe.
Maybe your child has siblings after years and now you want your child to know their siblings…
We are making plans but life makes the situations.
Who we are today, we are not anymore in future. Person signing this agreement to never see each other again might have a fundamental shift in their life values at any point and their views change. As people are not forced to stay married if they realised it was a wrong decision the same way people can not be forced to stay away from their children if they realised that was a wrong decision back then.
Once again. People in this unfortunate scenario are not predators. People are allowed to change their mind. You might think that you will be Ok living your life as a single parent and then it turns out that you can not, you need to reach out to the other parent for support to secure your child's upbringing.
To learn about the co-parenting predators, click on this link: https://storkdeliveringbabies.blogspot.com/2024/07/co-parenting-predators.html?m=1
To learn how potential coparents usually misunderstand each other:
https://storkdeliveringbabies.blogspot.com/2023/03/declaration-of-goodwill-in-your-co.html?m=1
One real life story:
https://storkdeliveringbabies.blogspot.com/2022/11/its-not-business-its-personal.html?m=1
