One of the most common complaints new partners seem to have is: “Why does the ex act as though they are hurt by the end of the relationship? They were the ones who ended it, walked out, or cheated and left! They wanted it!”
I would like to ask: would she have left if she were happy in that relationship? We agree that leaving can be the right thing to do if it is impossible to make things work so that everyone can be happy. Leaving means ending the relationship, and 99% of people who have experienced a relationship breakdown describe it in some way as a significant loss, sometimes feeling like a deep wound or serious injury. We understand that pain when someone is leaving you and ending your relationship.
Now, let me offer a parallel example of this pain and loss.
Imagine that someone causes you an injury: they stab you or cut off your finger. It hurts, leaves you scared, or causes you to lose a limb.
But what if it were you who inflicted the injury? If someone cuts themselves, wouldn't that hurt? Or if there is something unusual about that person's ability to feel pain, wouldn't it still leave scars? Wouldn't it still leave them without that limb?
And what if the person who inflicted the injury was in a situation where they had to cut off their own finger or arm to escape? (Think of the famous film example.) Should we view them differently, as though they are not entitled to sympathy or support because they did it to themselves?
Similarly, consider Siamese twins who had to be separated to have a chance at a normal life (or in some cases, life at all). Regardless of who was removed from whom, both are now separated and, as a result, both have scars or physical needs following that separation.
I believe you can see the point I am trying to make. It doesn’t matter who made the decision to end the relationship. It hurts everyone involved.
Why does it hurt so much to learn your ex is expecting a child with someone else?
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