It was an interesting post I found from a parenting discussion group. It brought back memories from the day when we discovered that our BM is attempting to cut off dad from being involved and informed about their son's schooling.
The difference is that the parental fall out happened to us just after they enrolled their son to the year R.
In our case, Dad and mum went to school’s open day and preview days together. Introduced themselves to the school staff and the school was aware there are two parents in this boy's life. Also dad in our case is doing half of the drop offs and pick ups from school.
The other case, a parental fall out happened much earlier and dad has not been in school, won't do any school runs and probably never introduced himself to teachers or school staff.
One or another case, it's still the same basic truth: it's the dad's responsibility to be proactive, get involved with school, introduce himself, ask to be added to the parents mail list, find out what are the passwords for parental pages and where general information will be displayed. Never expect that all this will be done for you. It's your responsibility as a parent to do the parental job. Mother does not have to share that information with you if she “doesn't feel like” she is only ordered to provide information you are asking for. To ask for information, you need to know what you are asking for. Example: Dad asked mum to send copies of letters that will be sent from school. Mum chose to send some copies, based on what she wanted (or was bothered to) copy and send. Dad trusted mum to do the parenting (was too lazy to ask information from direct source, school) and as a result, he found out almost a year later that he missed half of the communications with school and mum signed permissions slips without discussing things with dad before. Was mum wrong doing so? Morally, Yes. Legally, No.
She doesn't have a legal obligation to do stuff for dad. She could share information, it would make sense to avoid double letters and double signature, but if she doesn't want to, there is no legal obligation.
School on the other hand, has this obligation (legal duty) to share information with you IF YOU ASK FOR IT. THAT IS THE CRUCIAL PART. You, as a parent, must send email to school (not verbal chat with the class teacher) requesting copies of all the written communication. You have to provide how you want those copies: email or sent to you via mail. I recommend using email, as it's quicker (time officiant) and you can always have proof that it was sent out and arrived or not. With this request, please attach a copy of your parental rights (birth certificate or/and CAO if you have one).
Read more about your rights to be informed by Gov. UK (England/UK)
Articles you might find helpful:
- How to respond to emotionally difficult emails from your coparent.
- It is not possible to "have an accident baby" or "become a parent unplanned". No baby can be born without a mum choosing to have a baby.
- Why is the mother of his child so high in conflict?
- Why should the Ex feel hurt? They were the ones who walked out of their marriage!
- Why mother of his child demands "family time" when dad has a new relationship?
- Should your co-parent talk to your partner? What is the "silent treatment" in a stepfamily situation?
- How ignoring some of the so-called "The Good Co-parent" rules can be a good thing for your children's mental health
- Why does reading about how good co-parenting should look, usually will make things worse for you.
- Co-parenting myths. Myth nr 1 and 2
- Co-parenting myths. Myth nr 3 and 4
- When we should not "open our children's eyes" to let them see, that the other parent is a bad person.
- Coercive control after separation and in co-parenting situations.
- Communication examples 1 - coordinating plans
- Communication examples 2 - how much should a parent call when children are with another parent?
- How to have successful calls/facetime with babies and young children.
- Co-parenting or a Polyaffective sub-family? What I am getting myself into here?
- How the "not residential parent" could successfully get information from children's school.
- Should you meet the mother of his children? Why those meetups are so important to the large number of people.
- What about the grandparents?
- My partner,s family and friends are talking about the woman with whom he has children. Why do they have to? Am I disrespected by them?
- I am trying to do the right thing. Reading all the information I can find. Why I am still failing with the co-parenting situation?
- Why your co-parenting agreement is a declaration of goodwill, not a legal document you can rely on?
- https://storkdeliveringbabies.blogspot.com/2023/11/when-his-girlfriend-is-ruining-our-co.html
- https://storkdeliveringbabies.blogspot.com/2023/10/when-other-parent-is-abandoned-our.html
- https://storkdeliveringbabies.blogspot.com/2023/03/in-ideal-world-ideal-co-parenting-would.html
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